On Life, Currently.

Lately, I’ve been making an effort to draw every day. I’ve been trying to establish a good consistent work routine and also develop new work at the same time. I’ve made it a requirement that I post whatever I’ve been working on…no matter how stupid it may be.

In previous weeks, I was just Instagramming whatever I was drawing and have it post to Tumblr, but I found that a lot of those were just quick, thoughtless doodles. I’ve been trying to work on more narrative drawings and also writing about them, so my ideas are actually put to paper and not just floating around aimlessly in my head.

Sometimes I struggle to find a subject to draw, so I end up drawing dumb looking fruits or veggies. So this week, I started trying something different where I just write little stories or scenarios and then draw them. Essentially, that’s what I want to be doing anyways. I want to create visual short stories. It’s the best way to combine the two things I really love: drawing & storytelling.

Absence

I'm so sorry, I've been away from the blog for quite some time. After returning from Renegade SF, I was totally exhausted and went into holiday mode. With the start of the new year, I've been spending a lot of time meditating and searching for a new job. The shop has been doing well (although January has been a REALLY slow month), but I can't quite do it full-time yet. I gave myself 3 months to just focus on the shop for a bit, and now it's time to get back on the day job train. Hopefully, I can one day work from home permanently. Soon, this blog is going to be getting a bit of a makeover for the new year. I've already given my portfolio site a makeover, so it's this blog's turn! Stay tuned for what more is to come in 2013! I just want to thank everyone who's been following along on this journey and thanks so much for your support!

The Much-Needed Time Off

It's been almost two months since I left my day job and this is the best thing I've done for myself in a long time. I've mostly been spending my time focusing on my Etsy shop and also doing a lot of thinking about what I want to do as a career. I love everything about working for myself. I love the flexibility, the personal space, spending more time with Sebastian, and spending less money on gas. In this time, I've been able to rediscover the things that I love and the things I like doing. I'm drawing a lot more, being quirky & weird…overall, just being me. I realized that although I love graphic design and that's what my degree is in, I don't really want a graphic design job. I use graphic design complement the other things I do like illustration, handmade goods, running an online store…but I don't want to work in an in-house department or a large firm as a graphic designer.

The only thing left to be desired is: stability. I'm doing ok for now, but I know once the holiday season is over I'll have to get a job. I've been considering taking up a part-time job (that doesn't necessarily have to be in design) just so I have some sort of income since I'm planning on moving out early next year. I just want a job where the work stays at work and where I'm not going home angry & frustrated every day. I want to invest more time in growing my business and growing as an artist. I check job boards weekly and they just leave me feeling depressed because there's rarely any available jobs out there that sounds remotely interesting to me. Sometimes I think it's just difficult finding a job that's a good fit for my personality type.

And that's why I love working for myself. What I love most about running an online store (aside from being my own boss) is the happiness that my products bring to my customers. I love it when customers come back to me saying that they've received lots of compliments on the items I've made for them. Or simply that my products make them smile. I love when they comment on how "well-made" something is…Yeah, that was made with my own two hands! It's the most rewarding feeling in the world and I wouldn't give that up for anything.

Hang in There

Last Saturday, Flock Shop celebrated their 5yr Anniversary with their last art exhibition titled "Bright Future". They had recently announced that they will be closing shop in January 2013, which makes me really sad. They have been really supportive of my work since the beginning and they were one of my first stockists, and I'm sorry to see them go. But on a happy note, they plan on keeping their online store open and plan on working out some possible pop-up shops.

Stop by and check out the show including work by Jared Andrew Schorr, Jesse Tise, Patrick Hruby, Owlo, Joey Chou, APAK, Linda Kim, and Kevin Chan (as seen below).

Afterwards, we dropped by Q Pop for the Tokusatsu show. The show was absolutely amazing, but unfortunately couldn't take any pictures. The show is up now until September 30th, so check it out while you still can. Of course, while I was there I had to pick up something by Minifanfan. This time, it was this sweet pack of stickers.

Everything about Minifanfan's work reminds me of the work I want to be doing. Things that are fun, quirky, and light-hearted. This upcoming Wednesday will be my last day working at Richer Poorer. And I'm leaving with nothing else lined up and with no real plan ahead. I'm going to be using this time to rebuild my Etsy shop, work on new work, make new things, and just be. It's a very exciting but scary time. I'm applying for both Renegade SF and Unique LA this year; wish me luck! So keep checking in to see what I'm up to next.

Finally, A New Year

I'm so excited to be starting a new year. I had high hopes for 2011, but it proved to be a total dud. I got distracted and spent too much time on unimportant things. And I wasted my energy on people who just don't matter. In retrospect, I would say that 2011 has been the second worst year of my life thus far (second only to 2006). It's like I fell into a ditch and decided to just stay there. At least in 2012, I'm guaranteed one victory = FINALLY graduating from college. I see 2012 as a year of productive reparation. And it's about time I get on with life. 

This year, I have myself a lengthy & hefty list of resolutions:

- Read more

- Write more

- Draw more

- Rekindle relationships with old hobbies

- Rekindle relationships with my favorite people on the face of the planet

- Stop wasting time and energy getting frustrated/angry at people who *clearly* don't matter

- Stop feeling sorry for myself

- Realize that my mother didn't risk her life to come to this country just so I can bitch & whine about my existence

- Finally come to terms with my mother

- Work harder

- Play more

- Get busy living instead of waiting to die

- Work out/lose 15 – 20 pounds

- Return to former lifestyle

- Meditate at least once a week

Getting Ready for a Long Winter

I have been talking about this for sometime now. That this winter will be my final year of producing knitwear. And that decision still stands. I am both relieved and sadden by this decision, but I feel that it is quite necessary. The time and energy I've been putting into it over the years just isn't worth it anymore. I'm tired of having too much yarn and bins full of finished product occupying every single inch of my very tiny room.  So I've started knitting up all my yarn in preparation for UniqueLA. Even if I don't get in, at least everything will already be made and I can just post it all to Etsy.

So what does that mean for the future? As some of you may know, I've been exploring the realm of laser cut jewelry. And although it has been received quite well so far, I don't see it as being a very permanent thing. It just doesn't really feel like me. I feel like this is just what people expect from me based on their perception of me/becausemaybe/whatever. I've been thinking about going back to my roots in writing and curating. Mostly writing about music and pop culture, with a touch of nostalgia. And that would carry over into the curation and sale of vintage items.

I spent a lot of my summer in self-reflection. I looked back at the early years of becausemaybe and even went as far back as the high school years. I thought about what inspires me and what drives me. I reminisced about old hobbies and old interests. I've been searching deep within myself to find what it is I really love. And what really makes me happy. And I don't know the answer to that anymore. I feel like I've strayed very far from where I started and not so much in a good way. I feel like I got distracted somewhere along the way and lost sight of things. 

Several of my friends have asked me this week about my experience interning at American Apparel so far and if I would ever consider working there. I told them, "If they want to pay me to be there, I would have no objection to that." Sometimes I wonder if this economy has made me desperate, because I know deep down inside the real answer to that question is "No." Sure, the environment is laidback and some of the employees are cool to talk to and hang out with. But the actual job itself, isn't really my thing. They don't really have anything to offer me in terms of what I want out of a job. 

So what do I really want to do? I still want to move to Minneapolis and live out there for a few years. Just be away from things for a while. Spend some alone time. Or maybe that's the problem. Maybe I already spend too much alone time. But at this age, everyone's always too busy: trying to startup their career, getting married, having kids, or just plain trying to graduate. Everyone's always too busy for everyone else. Right when you think you've found people you really connect with, it's already time to say goodbye. 

Life always manages to catch you by surprise. But I don't wait around for life anymore. Because every time I've been patient, life served me some disappointment.

Sometimes We Find Ourselves...

At a familiar place in our lives that we never expected to be back at. It's a place where all the familiar faces you once knew resides. And it's where they've been this whole time. Nothing could ever feel as good. You carry them with you in the back of your mind. And you've been searching for them all along. And you've been waiting for them to come back to you. Or is it them who's been waiting for you? It's the happiest place you could ever be and it makes you wonder how you lost your way in the first place. How did you make yourself so busy as to forget. How is it that we make it so easy to leave the lives we once knew. To leave it all behind. They're the people who hold the key to who we were and who we will be. They're the part of you you'll never forget, even if you wanted to. Even if you tried.

It's when you stumble back to the place that you once knew, that you try to hold onto it so tightly. As not to lose it ever again. And you wish it would last forever. But you know it can't, and in the end all you'll be left with are the memories of the time when you were once happy.

I get tired of believing in such things. I'm tired of all the missed opportunities. I'm tired of being left with just memories. And I'm just about tired of being content. I've outgrown my belief in sacrificing happiness for the greater good. I think deep down, I'll always have the greater good in mind. But I think I can become a much greater person if I could pursue all my goals with a much happier outlook.