I have been talking about this for sometime now. That this winter will be my final year of producing knitwear. And that decision still stands. I am both relieved and sadden by this decision, but I feel that it is quite necessary. The time and energy I've been putting into it over the years just isn't worth it anymore. I'm tired of having too much yarn and bins full of finished product occupying every single inch of my very tiny room. So I've started knitting up all my yarn in preparation for UniqueLA. Even if I don't get in, at least everything will already be made and I can just post it all to Etsy.
So what does that mean for the future? As some of you may know, I've been exploring the realm of laser cut jewelry. And although it has been received quite well so far, I don't see it as being a very permanent thing. It just doesn't really feel like me. I feel like this is just what people expect from me based on their perception of me/becausemaybe/whatever. I've been thinking about going back to my roots in writing and curating. Mostly writing about music and pop culture, with a touch of nostalgia. And that would carry over into the curation and sale of vintage items.
I spent a lot of my summer in self-reflection. I looked back at the early years of becausemaybe and even went as far back as the high school years. I thought about what inspires me and what drives me. I reminisced about old hobbies and old interests. I've been searching deep within myself to find what it is I really love. And what really makes me happy. And I don't know the answer to that anymore. I feel like I've strayed very far from where I started and not so much in a good way. I feel like I got distracted somewhere along the way and lost sight of things.
Several of my friends have asked me this week about my experience interning at American Apparel so far and if I would ever consider working there. I told them, "If they want to pay me to be there, I would have no objection to that." Sometimes I wonder if this economy has made me desperate, because I know deep down inside the real answer to that question is "No." Sure, the environment is laidback and some of the employees are cool to talk to and hang out with. But the actual job itself, isn't really my thing. They don't really have anything to offer me in terms of what I want out of a job.
So what do I really want to do? I still want to move to Minneapolis and live out there for a few years. Just be away from things for a while. Spend some alone time. Or maybe that's the problem. Maybe I already spend too much alone time. But at this age, everyone's always too busy: trying to startup their career, getting married, having kids, or just plain trying to graduate. Everyone's always too busy for everyone else. Right when you think you've found people you really connect with, it's already time to say goodbye.
Life always manages to catch you by surprise. But I don't wait around for life anymore. Because every time I've been patient, life served me some disappointment.